ok i still have TWO supporters
cool~
im just back frm kaiwei's place
majhong
thanks kaiwei
LOL

ok i tried slping early ytd
total failure
and i woke up at 5pm
which means
i cant slp later
sucks

holiday is ending soon
my last holiday =(
xmas is coming
im thinking of xmas gifts for e girls
cuz i knw they got sometink for me
sorry girls im quite broke
and im goin to make something
no worries
no cooking, i promise
WHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

ok all the above are just excuses for my motive to come here with my wishlist
as you all knw some special day is like gonna come real soon
LOL
i want

• beauty products - cleanser or wadeva shit (ive acne prone and combination skin)
• cosmetics (gel eyeliner)
• fragrance
• contact lens solution (solocare NO COMPLETE)
• sexy lingerie (36 A/B and no more g-string)
• big big doll (those i'll have trouble bringing home)
• angbao
• clothes, bags...................

ok that's for now =D

ok i knw ive no more supporters now
cuz ive neglected this space for too long
whahahhahahahahahha
nevertheless
just want to blog some random thoughts

it's gonna be xmas (dec)
it's gonna be my bday (jan)
it's gonna v.days (feb)
it's gonna be our 3 years anni (march)
woohoo~

it's e monsoon season
raindrops everywhere
im loving it though
hate sunshine
obessed with vampires
especially one as hot as Edward Cullen
*melts*
fucking coconut shit
it's all serene loi's fault =X
ok so my wishlist for this xmas:
1. go to Forks
2. meet Edward Cullen
3. become a vampire
LOL =D

a human's few decades of life is alrdy too much for me to bear
i cant imagine
centuries and still counting
im a failure in life
not emo
just a reflection
i cant even make my own dad feel good or at peace
i understand i know
what he's trying to get into my head
but i blocked it all out
just because of my fucking temper
why cant i just talk to him or my gran properly just like hw i talk to any human
i swear i treat any strangers betta den i treat them
and since when did we became like dat
i dont even rem
when was e last time i had a proper meal or chat with my family?
donkey years
it's so abnormal
all of us yearn the same tink
but we cant do it
im forcing myself to be on best behavior
cuz he's weak, weary, sickly....
ive nvr looked at him enough to notice all these
yet all those temptations
to spend time with KDD, with roti co and friends....
i cant resist
i just have to stay away from home
to enjoy this carefree feeling, yet guilty
contradicting shit
im upset that i upset them when i talked to them each single time
yet when i talk to them
sharp, hurting words just blurt out
i could see them in his eyes
all too much for him to bear
yet i wont stop
cant stop to be exact
it's this shity cycle over and over again
ever since my mum's death
i just feel like taking a dagger and keep stabbing at myself
i rather they dont talk to me
i dont talk at home
not a tad bit like what i am outside
a non-stop babbler
im cold, stone, quiet vampire at home
why?
cuz i dont eat, i dont drink
and i slp in e day, awake in e night
omfg
it's just time my health will be failing on me
and i knw im on my way to that point
time is running out
cuz his health is failing on him too =(
why cant i just be less stubborn
and change my stupid lifestyle ><

this is freaking me out
im not gonna have kids till i overcome this fear
to overcome this barrier of interacting with family members

sorry dad im a lousy daughter
i love you

Friendship
i once had so many frens
i thought it's good it's nice to be popular
till i met u guys
i realise these few are enough to last me a lifetime
now
because of a few pcb, a few fuck u
this friendship is goin to end
it's not even half of my lifetime yet
at least i hope my life will be longer

to that special someone
i dont even knw whether will u read this

i WAS angry
i WAS having bad mood
on dat faithful day
not becuz of ROY
not becuz of you guys
but becuz of some issues in e morn with KDD
i believe i DIDNT show any attitude to u all
i believe i was talking NICELY to each and everyone of u den
i vented my anger all on rene, sab n KDD
i was wrong to be late
n dat's e only wrong that i tink i did wrong in

blog hopped
all the disappointment u have in me
all the accusations ure hurling at me for me not being able to let go of him
ure one of my closest
u should knw i broke up with him for like 2+ years
n ive been tgt with KDD since den
m i so not worth ur faith
dat's all ur assumptions
i was a teeny weeny bit affected no doubt
it's weird to see someone who's once urs dating with someone u knw
it's totally personal
u dont have to agree with me

yes u knw my temper
n i knw urs
i knw urs too well
so i didnt expressed a single bit of anger to u
all this anger with frens will fade away in no time
it's not like u have killed my family or wad
yes ive said wadeva vulgarities i cn when im talking to rene
she knws me best
she wont gt angry with me
cuz she knws wad im saying are words of anger
i didnt expect u'll have e chance to read wad im typing at all
not to hide anytink
just dont feel e need to
ive put myself in ur shoes
i knw hw u would have reacted
hw u would have flared if you read dat conversation
n since it's just words of anger
it shouldnt be shown to create misunderstandings
bt it's exposed to u
seriously would i not knw hw much uve cared all these years?
go read ur posts again
i cant feel e care
it's more of asking me to wake up
it's more of hw disappointed u are in me cuz im feeling dat way which u assumed
cn i not be angry
when im not even doin anytink dat's worth all these accusations
u tell me if ure in my shoes
when im totally not feeling e way u n rene assume my emotions should be
if u dont knw u cant imagine
i'll tell u
why cant u guys trust me
why are u guys telling me hw good KDD is n keep associating in ur mind dat im still emotionally attached to him
are u all true
disappointment

period.
im not goin to apologise
ok maybe a sorry for being late
if u have open ur mind
u should have realise that all this is a misunderstanding
im not taking ur care for granted
in e 1st place i didnt even take dat post as care
friendships are not to be ended in this stupid way
i dont knw hw are we goin to clear dis up
i dont knw wad will become of us in e future
friends? friends, not?